I Wish I Had Something Better To Write About

On a daily basis I tend to have a million and one thoughts, ideas.. opinions and so much more just running through my head. And typically I can maintain these thoughts and somehow manage to write them down and form them into a decent blog. Lately, I have not been able to do that. In fact, the posts that I have put up lately have been from my old poetry that I have been working on for over a year now. The poetry that I have stashed away and saved in hopes that I will one day publish it as a book. But I have long forgotten about it since I have started up this blog of mine.


Something that I have discovered about myself within this last month is that the only way I can have a semi clear mind to write is if I can have AT LEAST 4 days a week of loneliness. I'm pretty sure that is normal with any writer. We need silence to think. But not only do I need it to write. I need it for my sanity as well. I haven't had a day to myself in over a month and I feel that its starting to wear me thin and dry. I'm extra moody. Irritable. Hateful. Just downright bitchy.

And all these thoughts i have to write are just scrambled in my head. I get excited when I think that I got a new amazing post in the making and then I sit down and cant think of any way to start it..or finish it. Its frustrating. I suppose the stresses of every day life are not helping me as well. I feel stuck. STUCK...STUCK!!! and I feel hopeless. I think hopelessness is one of the worst feelings. Its a friend to depression.

Im struggling to express any of this right now..there is just too much going on that I want to write about.. And hopefully I will soon find my quiet time..And get back on the writting grind... I hope..

Embryo


I am your embryo
Just a little nothing
You are vital to me
Nourish me
And lead me
To this existence that I’ll end up just leaving
I’m just a diminutive embryo
Waiting to ripen to this world.
I’m just a insignificant embryo
Waiting for your love
To cure
To dispense the impure
Who is me
Trash and ecstasy
Your intestines bind and tie
Around my neck
Your cigarette
Suffocates
And I cry
Piercingly I cry
Famine to survive
I’m just this insignificant embryo
Ill and Cold
I begin to mold
Into who you are
Disastrous waste

Polluted Lust






Contaminated thirst for the abuse
Degraded and used
My ailing addiction I will not refuse.
The way you place your body on top
Grinding your revolting warmth
Clenched hands on my neck
Turn me around
This polluted lust
You demand


I follow your list of commands
My emperor of pure rapture
Regarded as an animal
I’ve been stolen and captured


As the sun rises
We wilt
Passion fades
I function with rage
neglected from your
polluted lust


As dusk creeps
We fall in love again
Liquor bottles sweaty in our palms
A murmur of our sincere dishonesty
Silenced by my innocence
I endeavor to wash away forever
Dismissal
No remorse
Just


Polluted intercourse

SWINE FLU


You lay with swine in bed.
Whispering sugary sweet nothings in her head.


Her ventriloquist.
Nothing without someone to guide her lips.


A fallacious trick,
a travesty,
and Drunken sodomy.


I’ve ingested the syndrome, you mutually fed.
In my stomach it coils and bends.
Makes me sick.
This worm of insecurity sheds.


Starving to be me.
You are nothing without a host,
and I am complete.
This worm of absurdity.
And I am queen .


She feeds off you,
in stages you decay,
pandemonium,
yet you lay.


Crippled by her carnage,
I kill time,
Lingering.


I am the emperor of your imminent end
The swine cooks up her plan
A hag
Her little punching bag


You wish you were me
I have the power
I take the lead
Completely immersed in my supremacy
You reek of jealousy


The itch
Step back
Before I pull the switch
Blade of hate
Make you suffocate


I am chief
Emperor
The boss


You are swine
Hag
Host


And by my side
YOU ARE NOTHING
BUT A LOSS