Here I sit

WHY? Thats a really good question.... Dont you think? Im always asking myself.... Why? Why do I feel that I cant accomplish something? Even simple small tasks. Why dont I have enough self confidence to just push through? And why do so many others have the ability to just do it... Even if they have a sense of possible failure? Some days I wake up feeling like a million bucks. I can do anything... Achieve everything... And master the art of LIFE. And then it slowly fades back to that little girl who fears the idea of just simply dealing with human interaction. Is that called anxiety? Do I have anxiety? Hmmm...... Well up until now I never considered that.
"Are you constantly tense, worried, or on edge?
Does your anxiety interfere with your work, school, or family
responsibilities?
Are you plagued by fears that you know are irrational, but can’t
shake?
Do you believe that something bad will happen if certain things
aren ’t done a certain way?
Do you avoid everyday situations or activities because they make
you anxious?
Do you experience sudden, unexpected attacks of heart-pounding
panic?
Do you feel like danger and catastrophe are around every corner?"

Id say that i have a few of those.... SHIT! well... I suppose I might then. So my next question is: If I do have some sort of anxiety... is it extreme enough for me to go get some help for it.. or be put on meds. We all feel the same about medication. None of us want to be walking zombies just to get through the day. And I would rather somehow deal with it on my own.. I want to conquer this evil seed called anxiety. But in the meantime nothing in my life is getting done due to it. So how do you really battle anxiety? Not cover it up and pretend its no longer there. But to actually defeat it... Does anyone else feel the same way as me? What if its not anxiety at all. But just a lack of self confidence? hmm.....I just wish I knew.

http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250

http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250

I Wish I Had Something Better To Write About

On a daily basis I tend to have a million and one thoughts, ideas.. opinions and so much more just running through my head. And typically I can maintain these thoughts and somehow manage to write them down and form them into a decent blog. Lately, I have not been able to do that. In fact, the posts that I have put up lately have been from my old poetry that I have been working on for over a year now. The poetry that I have stashed away and saved in hopes that I will one day publish it as a book. But I have long forgotten about it since I have started up this blog of mine.


Something that I have discovered about myself within this last month is that the only way I can have a semi clear mind to write is if I can have AT LEAST 4 days a week of loneliness. I'm pretty sure that is normal with any writer. We need silence to think. But not only do I need it to write. I need it for my sanity as well. I haven't had a day to myself in over a month and I feel that its starting to wear me thin and dry. I'm extra moody. Irritable. Hateful. Just downright bitchy.

And all these thoughts i have to write are just scrambled in my head. I get excited when I think that I got a new amazing post in the making and then I sit down and cant think of any way to start it..or finish it. Its frustrating. I suppose the stresses of every day life are not helping me as well. I feel stuck. STUCK...STUCK!!! and I feel hopeless. I think hopelessness is one of the worst feelings. Its a friend to depression.

Im struggling to express any of this right now..there is just too much going on that I want to write about.. And hopefully I will soon find my quiet time..And get back on the writting grind... I hope..

Embryo


I am your embryo
Just a little nothing
You are vital to me
Nourish me
And lead me
To this existence that I’ll end up just leaving
I’m just a diminutive embryo
Waiting to ripen to this world.
I’m just a insignificant embryo
Waiting for your love
To cure
To dispense the impure
Who is me
Trash and ecstasy
Your intestines bind and tie
Around my neck
Your cigarette
Suffocates
And I cry
Piercingly I cry
Famine to survive
I’m just this insignificant embryo
Ill and Cold
I begin to mold
Into who you are
Disastrous waste

Polluted Lust






Contaminated thirst for the abuse
Degraded and used
My ailing addiction I will not refuse.
The way you place your body on top
Grinding your revolting warmth
Clenched hands on my neck
Turn me around
This polluted lust
You demand


I follow your list of commands
My emperor of pure rapture
Regarded as an animal
I’ve been stolen and captured


As the sun rises
We wilt
Passion fades
I function with rage
neglected from your
polluted lust


As dusk creeps
We fall in love again
Liquor bottles sweaty in our palms
A murmur of our sincere dishonesty
Silenced by my innocence
I endeavor to wash away forever
Dismissal
No remorse
Just


Polluted intercourse

SWINE FLU


You lay with swine in bed.
Whispering sugary sweet nothings in her head.


Her ventriloquist.
Nothing without someone to guide her lips.


A fallacious trick,
a travesty,
and Drunken sodomy.


I’ve ingested the syndrome, you mutually fed.
In my stomach it coils and bends.
Makes me sick.
This worm of insecurity sheds.


Starving to be me.
You are nothing without a host,
and I am complete.
This worm of absurdity.
And I am queen .


She feeds off you,
in stages you decay,
pandemonium,
yet you lay.


Crippled by her carnage,
I kill time,
Lingering.


I am the emperor of your imminent end
The swine cooks up her plan
A hag
Her little punching bag


You wish you were me
I have the power
I take the lead
Completely immersed in my supremacy
You reek of jealousy


The itch
Step back
Before I pull the switch
Blade of hate
Make you suffocate


I am chief
Emperor
The boss


You are swine
Hag
Host


And by my side
YOU ARE NOTHING
BUT A LOSS

The Beauty and the Narcissist


I want to wrap my body around you,
like silk
I will weave my sultry seems to fit your soul.
Embedded in your aura,
I yearn to escape control.


Legs around
Open and abound


I defy your arctic,
indisposed,
beating,
bloody heart.


Steal my flesh,
fingers trace the contour of my breast.
Sinful sweat that melodically bleeds off your back.
disposed from his mind
The narcissist will forget


Submerged in your disease
The Succulent smell of your chest
Abandonment of my degraded flesh


Conducting you on my podium
Orchestra of orgasms
Soft noise tiptoes
reverberation arises
I scream


Abdomens collide
Tone deaf eruption
The musician of my eyes


Explore the flame
Direct shame
Its semitone wilted pain
Shedding you out of my veins


Desiccated and dirt free
This beauty has met her king
Its horror
Makes the sturdy
Weak in the knees


My tongue runs down your torso
I taste your concern
Lapping up the fear
In my suitable position
Bent and curved


You are my rose
With withered petals
And sharpened thorns,
You tear into my skin
So beautiful you are
But so hurtful within

Father pt 2

I have obviously been a bit “under the weather” so to
speak. Emotionally crippled by so many challenging obstacles. I’m
bitter, lost, tainted, and utterly emotionally selfish. My fearlessnes
s has taken over. Which in turn makes me into SHE BITCH. I haven’t
meant any offense to anyone during these times of rage that I
reek. And I’m sure most of you are tired of seeing or hearing me
complain continuously. Trust me I cant bare to hear myself. Since
my last blog about my father…. My sister and I have gone to see him
several different times. What a journey that has been! All well
worth it though.
This man I remember and heard of is not the same man I
see when we visit. He’s not a child in my eyes. Who laughs and plays.
He’s a man with deep regret and silent pain. Its been one of the
hardest things I have ever had to endure. To see my father in a
home, who cant take care of his own self. Who has to depend on
everyone to guide him. To see his pride literally be shattered into
little pieces.
I declared that I wouldn’t cry. That I was too callused. I
was insincere to myself. I stepped in and seen my father. Tears
began to make way. I tried to hold it back. And as my father walked
up with excitement in his eyes, “HEY THOSE ARE MY KIDS” . I instan
tly fell apart. I felt like I was a child again. I embraced him with open
arms. A hug that I haven’t felt……. in what seems a lifetime. I sat
next to him with a knot in my throat that was so tense I couldn’t
swallow. I couldn’t think. nor speak. My emotions were on a roller
coaster . And All I wanted was to get off of the ride. I wanted to
run away. Away from the pain. Away from everything. Just simply
wither away.
And then came all of my harsh scrutiny of me. My dad put
his hand on my leg. I cringed as if I were in pain. All those years not
having a relationship with my father, the main man of my life. Devel
oped into deep seeded issues from beyond. no affection. All these
thoughts flowing through my head. What if this? Why am I like this?
Why is life so unfair? Why couldn’t we fix this before this disease
took control? My unanswered questions became obsessions.
I don’t want to speak of our past. I want to keep that
part of our relationship silent to the world. Its not forgotten, but I
don’t want him to be remembered by all of his mistakes. I want him
to be remembered for the man who really loves his children and his
grandchildren. The man who talks endlessly for two days about his
daughters and how they came to visit. The man who makes sure we
know that he loves us before we go back out into the world. Those
memories will conquer the old sour memories forever.
I put his picture up on my fridge. I keep it up to keep in
touch with reality. I don’t want a day to go by where I forget. I
want that unwelcoming sting to seep in. My lesson has been learned.
And I will never forget.
I love you dad. I always have. And always will. I love you
amber for being there for me. The weakened one. And I admire you.
You do an outstanding job with handling dad and helping him out. It
amazes me. If there was one thing that I wish I could learn from you
it would be your strong sense of affection. I love the ones who
have been supportive and helpful in our time of need. I thank you.
And I will never forget.

Father

I grew up most of my life angry at my Father. I
wish I could go back. I suppose everything happ
ens for a reason. Right? I sit here now contempl
ating who my Father really is or was? Well to
explain things a bit better...my Father was diag
nosed with Dementia about four years ago and is
now in a home. He's in the last stage
(Alzheimer's) with COPD and Parkinson's. Now
you would think that I would be a total wreck
right now, and normally I would be. But in all
honesty I feel very bittersweet about the situ
ation. No, its not easy but my Dad is.....well, how
do i put it?....well he's quite the character these
days. He's withering away in his mind, forgetting
the past and practically the present. He struggle
s with normal everyday tasks and activities. And
often gets frustrated with himself when he can't
think of the words to express himself. Yet he kno
ws how to laugh. Doesn't sound very impressive
does it? Well, my Dad was neery the type to
laugh or even joke around while I was growing
up. And now he's in a home......sick....and is able to
find humor in himself and his surroundings. He
also has a major sweet tooth. Even tho my Dad
wasn't much of a sweet eater at all. He reminds
me of a child. It puts a little smile on my face. I
like the thought of my Father being silly at his
age and under the circumstances of the life he is
living. So regardless of our past and all of our
negativity that has been tossed around for so
many years. I'm truley happy if my Father is trul
ey happy. Thats what matters the most. I'm just
not sure if he really is or not. I could easily give
up every inch of my bitter past with him if I kne
w that he could stay a kid at heart till the end.
My Father has brought on a whole new wave of
emotion for me. It's hard to describe. Its's kind of
like watching the beautiful sun get covered up by
dark rainy clouds on a very still calm day.......and
then watching the storm destroy everyhting..but
the sun still emerges out from behind it all and
creates a magnificent rainbow. Even throught all
of the struggle. If that makes much sense at all?
Im not really sure if any of this is making any
sense really... I get to visit him Sunday. I'm not
exactly sure how it will go or what the outcome
might be. He may not be able to remember me
or my sister. But I've already figured out how
I'm going to handle the situation if he did forg
et....I'll reintroduce myself. "Hi, my name is Ashl
ee. Nice to meet you." It's better than taking it
hard and crying myself to sleep at night. I must
prepare for the worst. Life is bittersweet and
full of lessons..and Dad has taught me something
out of all of this. Don't hold grudges against the
ones you love...live life for the moment..its a was
te of energy.
I can't remember the last time I actually got to
hug my Dad or even got to say "I love you" to
him...I hope I get that chance before its too late.
Love you Dad
"Three objects, three pois
ons, and three seeds of virtue."
-Bud
dhist quote

Oldie But Goodie From Myspace

Alright, let me address some issues that I got going on in my brain. I
got a few different subjects I would like to get off my chest
so bear with me and try to follow me to the best of your ability.
The following subjects consist of pigs, haters, and being true to
myself. Well, to start off.....About a week or two ago I decided to go
for a walk around town by myself at about 11 p.m. I didn't get any
further than five steps off of my street when a vehicle stopped in
the middle of the road. An unrecognizable voice spoke. "Where are
you going? Do you want a ride?" I sure as hell did not know this
man, but I decided to ask anyways. "Who are you?" Instead of answ
ering my question he responded with. "I know who you are." I asked
him who he was again, really hoping that it was a friend playing with
me or something. "I'll be back." and he made some comment about me
looking good and drove off. I still don't know who this guy was. But I
do know that his repulsive harassment nearly gagged me. Whats
even more vile to me on a whole different level is when men act like
that in front of my son while I'm out for a walk ro taking him for a
bike ride. What does that teach my son? To act like a disrespectful
fool? When you yell, "Hey baby" out of your car window as you
drive by just remember what my son takes in from that! You
would think that these men would think before they spoke,or acted
out. I'm pretty sure that some of these same men have children of
their own. Probably even daughters at that. How are they going to
feel when men treat their daughters like that. Maybe even in front
of their future grandchildren. They would be OUTRAGED! RAISING
ALL KINDS OF HELL! It doesn't stop there......I've had men whistle and
holla at me while there woman was away. The nerve! Like I don't
have half a brain to know that you have a girl. That you wait and
make sure she isn't around and then act like a pig. And yet I'm the
one that gets hated on by the girl. Why? What did I do? I could care
less about those kind of guys. If your man is acting like a pig then
leave his ass. Its all a waste of time and energy and he's a waste of
human flesh. Men need to learn how to compliment a woman in a
more appropriate manner. Maybe there mommas should have taugh
t them better..I dont know. But to go back a few steps when i
brought up girls hating. I see too many situations where girls talk
trash or treat a girl like dirt because they are simply jealous. Why?
cause she looks good? possibly better than you? Instead of being a
bitch, why dont you learn to love yourelf cause either you got low
self esteem or you are just straight ugly on the inside and or the
outside. Whne I see a girl who hasn it all together and got things
going on, I give her the props she deserves....whether i like her or
not. And thats the way it should be. Quit being bitches. Stop the
hate and learn to appreciate. Last but not least....It's time for me to
start being REAL and true to myself. I've been a consistently good
friend to peeps. ANd I'm pretty loyal as well. I'm not a fake. When I
say I'm your friend then I got your back. Yet I get NO respect.
Everybody wants to hang around when they feel like they can get
something out of it. But as soon as I spit the truth and get too
REAL ,everybody runs away. At first it ate away at me. Drove me
INSANE! Over time I realized that its okay tho. Love me or hate
me...either way Imma do me cause I'm done helping you. If you think
I'm being unfair......then you have judged me wrong. I'm done playing
little kid games. If you want my true friendship than make it more
apparent. Its messed up that in order to keep my friends I have to
be walked all over. I'm just as important as the rest of you,with
real issues too. Im not any less and I will not be treated that way.
The ignorance makes me sick. Whatever I'm over it. I'm moving on
and living my life. Besides, I got stalkers to keep me company. HA!
So what have we learned today children? 1) Mommas need to start
teaching their sons how to respect woman better starting today
so that our furture men don't act as disgusting as the men of our
generation do. 2) Dont hate because your ugly on the inside and you
have no self esteem..cause that makes you appear to be a straight
up bitch.3) And do your best to be true to yourself and forget the
rest.

I really really had a hard time convincing myself to post this poem... therefore I am forcing myself to just do it.



"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel. As a reminder of your strength" - August Wilson

Angra Mainyu

The demon in me,

my savage beast.

Surrender and sudden sacrifice.

Let one inhale her wretched disease.

Like genocide she will deceive and conquer,

towering over the dominant power.

Bestowing culture shock onto

the vulnerable,

THE cowardly,

ineffectual,

trifling,

THE WEAK.

Annihilating any back up artillery.

Look past her anesthetic eyes;

remain calm and you will see,

the struggle she has grieved.

Manifested and burrowing.

I conduct combat and impetuous rivalry.

If I shut her away,

where will I be?

Crushed,

beaten,

broken,

eaten....

So she shall remain.

She attains my world slowly.

As I abandon the pain.

I Have No Title For This One. Sleep Deprivation has Caused My Brain To Leak!

QUESTION: When did dick become every women’s number one priority in life? Wild guess….. I’d say about 80% of woman act as if they cannot continue to exist in everyday life, if they can’t go home to a mans big masculine arms. Seriously? I thought we progressed enough throughout the 20th century that we didn’t have to believe such a thing! We fought to get to where we are today. We deserve to believe that we don’t need a mans acceptance in order to coexist. Now, before any of you lash out on me for being a tad bit offensive… I’m not saying I never crave a mans touch. Or desire the comfort of having a partner. We are human. And as humans we are going to thrive for that. We naturally prosper for love. And that’s healthy. BUT, I’m referring to these women who run out and search for a man like it’s a fuckin Easter egg hunt. We all know a woman or two like that. C’mon… don’t deny it.
I’ve witnessed first hand; women who would even go as far as to betray and belittle a friend behind there back just to get the dick. I can say that I sincerely think that’s probably one of the lowest, most pathetic things you could do. Not only your friend, but yourself. Over some dick???? I mean dick can be magnificent. I’m not gonna bash on it. But how low is you self esteem? You have to actually put down a fellow women. Especially one your close to. For a mans attention? And sometimes these same women claim they don’t need nor want a man. Let me clear something up……HONEY ITS OBVIOUS THAT YOU JUST CANT GET A MAN!! So please quit lying to yourself as well as others to make yourself look good. Maybe if you worked on your low self esteem issues and fixed that fake ass front (and maybe even your face) . Then maybe… quite possibly.. A man might actually find you interesting. WOW!

-(Side note) - I tend to magnetize and befriend the shadiest of women . Nearly all end up betraying me. Whether its talking smack behind my back. Or just being a simulation of a high-quality friend in order to get whatever it is that they are on the hunt for… It never fails…So what I just said was low of me. That was mainly directed to the women who feel that its essential to hurt me in order to gain for themselves. In no way am I typically the type to say some shit like that. I don’t need to put others down to make myself feel superior. Plain and simple.


I don’t know.. To me it just seems as if we are shifting backwards as time evolves. The generation of women prior to us strived to get us where we stand in our present day. And how do we show our appreciation? Oh…. we become sex symbols!.. And sex objects! I’m sure that’s what they were hoping for when they protested and stood up for our equal rights. Those women opened the gateway for us. Exposing the truth. They grasped the reality. And they lived in a time where it was embedded in your brain from day one.. “YOU CANT SURVIVE WITHOUT A HUSBAND!“ And you better stand behind your husband. Not ahead of him.. not beside him…Yeah in the back..
Now don’t we want to keep our dignity? Is that the real issue here? Our pride? Our self-respect? Is that what we have lost along the way?……you can have a man.. You can have that comfort at night. But We got to make sure that we can balance it all out.. Don’t you agree? Or is this all me?


Okay I feel that I have successfully rambled today…. Got this off my chest. I’m curious to know how both men and women feel about all this.

- Have women lost self respect?
- Have you had a friend who has betrayed you for a man?
- Are you a progressive women?


Anyways.. Until next time.. Stay beautiful lovely’s (keep that head held high.. And keep your friends close to you. Don’t throw away a friendship for a man who may not even stick around)


- Ashis

Binge On the Media, Puke it up, Spit it out and Put the Scalpel Down

How the media effects the young. Lets save our youth.!!!!



Lets review the facts here people. And lets be honest while we are at it. The media is literally shoveling bullshit down our throats every second, of every day. And we all know in some way, shape, or form its affecting us. So lets imagine how this is affecting our youth. If there’s one thing about this humanity that makes my skin crawl and causes me to cringe in utter disgust, it’s the thought of these adolescent girls who are harming their bodies in order to fit into what society demands as “beautiful”. And as adults we all know that even though we may all get corrupted and buy into what the media feed us, we can distinguish the truth from all the lies. Well most of us can…. Well I guess I try. Either way we have to find a way to put a stop to this. I have two young nieces who I constantly worry about. I never want to see them get caught up in all this. I DON’T WANT ANY YOUNG LADY TO GET BRAIN WASHED BY THE MEDIA. Beauty is not based on what the media says.
I mean seriously lets look at Paris Hilton, can we honestly say she’s beautiful? She’s fake in every way. And I’m not just talking about her outer appearance. She’s fake as hell on the inside as well. Is that what we are trying to show our children? That being fake makes you gorgeous?. And I’m not trying to single out just Paris (even though I just did) She was just the first person that came to mind when I was attempting to come up with a particular example of a BAD IDOL. There’s so many other celebrities that these young girls admire. Most are just as shockingly deficient. And lets face it… none of them should be “idol” material. Yet we let them have the fame and the adoration of our children. WHY? I mean honestly… We as the people have to take some of the blame for this. We let our children get affected. (to a degree, we cant prevent everything) We let them buy into all this. Sometimes because we buy into it. With all the diet pills and the constant fear of aging… getting fat.. Having the latest trends… etc. We just show our young ladies that you have to be thin, look a certain way, and act a certain way in order to “live life happily” ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? woah, woah, woah!! Can we take a few GIANTGANTIC steps back… and go over this again? I’m not even sure I just heard myself correctly …. We live in a society that says it is acceptable to be an individual. We live in a country where we are permitted freedom of speech. Yet, we all want to be the same because same is perfect? Why? Do we want a bunch of Brittany spears running around? Brittany is a good example of how all those things DO NOT result in happiness. She had it all,.. The body.. The money. The looks. The sex appeal. The fame.. The everything! And well, we were all there when she fell… AND SHE FELL HARD!

- The diet industry is worth about 40 to 100 billion dollars… yet so many are going hungry and dying of starvation every single day…. hmmm

I think that what really brings ultimate happiness is being yourself. Instead of constantly focusing on our weight and all the various diets. We should educate our children about health and exercise and the short term and long term benefits from it. Lets stop feeding our children candy, pop and fast food. And lets stop feeding ourselves that as well. Lets set an example for our future adults. We don’t need to deprive ourselves of it. But eat and drink less of it. From my own experience… diets do not work. Unless your looking to be completely immersed into it for every second of your existence while be absolutely desolate doing it. If that’s what you oh so desire then have at it!!

Lets change the way we think. Lets show the media that we will not let them manipulate us. Nor our younger generations. ESPECIALLY OUR YOUNGER GENERATIONS!

- Studies show that weight is irrelevant to how healthy you are. Unless considered obese your underweight.

(OH YEAH! that reminds me of another point id like to make…. Eating healthy is definitely easier said then done… Our food stores carry over priced healthy foods, and cheap junk food. Whats up with that? I mean are you feeling me on this? We get preached to eat better but half our nation is also on food stamps. I mean c’mon here… isn’t that a little fucked up? Just a side thought….)

“Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.” - Gerard Way


So I just want to say that I, myself, am not perfect. I too struggle with self image everyday. Just like everyone else. I’m always trying to lose that “extra ten pounds”. But at the same time I don’t let the media control me by letting them con my brain into thinking that I have to be some walking stick figure. Even ten pounds less I’m not “skinny” Id like to call myself average. And I can honestly say I’m content with that and very much secure with that. And that’s what is really my main point for all the young women… you just need to be secure with how you are. And who you are. Its okay to improve your body. But only by doing it the healthy way. Good exercise. Good food. Lots of sleep. Plenty of water.. And… NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT…YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL…. Fuck what the media says… Fuck the pressure of what society thinks. Just live life and be happy!!!



STAY BEAUTIFUL LOVELYS!!!!




- ASHIS

COFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE. BLOGGING, BLOGGING, BLOGGING. SCREAMING, SCREAMING, SCREAMING!

Haters and congratulators… my theory on the low life’s who can dish it out but certainly cant take it!



Ahhh… my very first blog…This is where I belong! Writing is what I would consider my forte. Primarily because I have never (let me emphasize this for you) NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER been skilled at communicating what I’m genuinely trying to express (vocally). I tend to fumble over everything I’m trying to convey. People tend to extract what they want to hear. Misconstruing my words to the point that I’ve actually started to believe that what they twisted was my original point. So when I write I know without a doubt I can speak honestly. Without having to hold back what I really want to say. Or constantly probing every word before It comes out of my mouth. I mean have you ever noticed how narcissistic humans can be?? Especially when it comes to what could possibly be the truth. Everyone requests to hear it. But doesn’t intend to except it. Just another good reason why I choose not to verbally express myself. Oh no!!!!! I don’t want to insult anyone who might possibly think that they are ALL HIGH AND FUCKING MIGHTY in their own FANTASTIC world of make believe! I’ll just let them believe what they want so they can sleep better at night. Its severely mind blowing to think about how many people I have come across in my life, who continuously judge everyone around them, but themselves. My theory is that they should take all there judgmental convictions and focus that time consuming energy, on themselves. I mean they do it so well when it comes to others! The talent is outstanding! Am I right? What I’ve often noticed about these same category of people, is that not only are they outstandingly good at what they do, but that they should be the last people on earth to criticize. Just saying. We all can testify here. That the most judgmental pricks are people who tend to have the worst morals and theories in life. But really no matter how “perfect“ you may or may not be.. No one should judge another’s life or anything about another’s ANYTHING?? Well, because no one is perfect. DUH. HEY SWEETHEART NEWS FLASH!…. Stop for a second and (re) evaluate where you stand in life.. Or what you stand for. END OF STORY!!!
That is just one of my many issues that I’ve been having to deal with lately. Its like this whole world just thinks they know who I am. And in all honesty..95% of the people who I know.. Or casually talk to.. DO NOT KNOW ME! I am the epitome of what is misunderstood. And I’m not just speaking for myself. I’m speaking for so many others that feel just like me. You got your haters and you got your congratulators. What category would you consider yourself in? Really think about it.. You might shock yourself.

“You worry about yours; let them worry about theirs, cause I got mine” - Lil Wayne

 See the difference between me and you is that I don’t run around telling people every detail of my being. Why would I want to share something thats intimate with people who probably in the end, never deserved to know me on that sort of deep level. And I guess that’s what causes me such issues. Half the ignorance of the human race thinking that you have to explain yourself to every one. With why you do things a certain way. Or why you do them the way you do. Isn’t that kind of ridiculous? I don’t remember there being a contract when I was born saying that was a life requirement.

Anyways… I’m done with my rambling… I do believe that is what I have mainly done here today.. But I do feel better.. And that’s the real reason I’m here doing this blog…. Ahhhhhh my therapy….

UNTIL NEXT TIME……. Take care…. And just remember…. ……. ………….Well, I got nothing.. Just, fuck what they say .. that’s the best I can come up with…


- Ashis



“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. Its one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but its another to think that yours is the only path.” -Paulo Coelho